In a rut....

Lately things seem like they aren't going to get better. I'm talkin' about being in a rut. I know we all go there sometimes but this time I think I've been there too long. Don't get me wrong. I am still happy but some things just stink. On July 17th it was the 1 year anniversary of me finding out I don't get to be a mommy quite yet. The pain and sorrow is still sticking with me. What makes it worse is that EVERYONE else, that wants to, is getting pregnant (except for guys, that'd be weird) but ME! Why oh why?....... Everytime I hear about someone getting pregnant the floodgates open and I can't stop the flood. Sorry to be such a boob but it is a HUGE part of my life right now. Is it too much to ask to be a mommy? What makes it worse is that I can't avoid thinking about it. KIDS ARE EVERYWHERE except in MY belly. "Your time will come" says EVERYONE, but when it's YOU in the position it doesn't seem like it will. Especially when you finally have something you want and treasure so much, ripped from you. I guess I am just broken. Being sad about not having a cute little baby to hold and love just kinda makes some other things not so fun. Ya know?


I really need to thank my loving husband for putting up with my crazy moodswings. He is such a sweetheart and will do anything for me. I know he loves me so very much and it hurts him to know that he can't really do anything to take the pain away. But I want him to know that his love, listening ear and just letting me cry in his arms helps A LOT! You are everything to me and I love you so very much! Thank you for always being there for me.