Up's and Down's

Obviously I haven't posted a new blog for quite sometime but we hit a rough patch in our lives that was pretty devastating. I guess I will just start from the top....

So June 19th I decided to take a pregnancy test cause it had been over 50 days since my last period and low and behold it finally said POSITIVE!!! I was so excited so I called the doc and got an appointment on July 7 which what was supposed to be 10 weeks pregnant. At the office he did an ultra sound and said there was no way the baby was ten weeks cause the baby was only measuring about six weeks. He couldn't find a heart beat but said that this early it's not that uncommon so we went to have a sonogram (sp) cause it is a better machine. The nurse found a heart beat right off the bat. RELIEF!! We got a picture of the little tiny baby the size of a dot and went to the room while the doc looked over the pictures. He came in and said that the sac was only measuring 5 weeks 2 days while the baby was measuring 6 weeks 3 days. He said he wasn't too concerned cause it was only a matter of millimeters that the growth was off. So he said for me to come back in 10 days to check the growth of everything. 10 days came and back to the doctors office we went....... only this time the news wasn't so good. The nurse started the ultrasound and found blood in my uterus right off. She didn't seem to concerned at first but then she couldn't find a heartbeat at all. The sac was still only measuring 5 weeks 2 days where the baby had grown to 7 weeks 5 days. SHOCK hit me and I didn't think that it was really happening. I didn't really have any emotion running through me and I didn't know what to think. It was truly an out of body experience. I thought they would just take me to a different room and tell me what needed to be done to fix this. Well the nurse brought us back to the room (mind you my doctor didn't even work that day so this is a different nurse telling us this) and as soon as she left the floodgates of reality opened. I couldn't stop crying and wondering why I had to have a miscarriage. She told me the options of what could be done to get the baby out of my body and I chose to take a pill that helps get things moving. It was the worst pain in my life. I had never imagined that I would have to cramp so bad to release something that was still so small. I cried all day that day that I couldn't even cry the next day or all weekend. It was a long weekend but my sweet husband was always by my side comforting me. He was so patient with me and always wanted to help even though there was nothing he could do to get rid of the pain. We had our long talks and had a peace come over us that everything was going to be fine and that everything happens for a reason. My doctor had told me that 1 out of 4 pregnancies is a miscarriage and that if anything goes wrong with the growth of the baby the body will just reject it and cut everything off from the baby. So I got to thinking that I needed to count my blessings that this happened so early in the pregnancy and that we didn't have anything happen later on or have a baby that is not healthy. We knew we couldn't do anything to change this so we both accepted the loss and have tried to move on. We will never forget this experience, which will only make the next baby that much more special to us knowing just how fragile life is.



Jason and I along with his mom and dad and his two brothers were to leave for Alaska the following week after we found out the bad news. They all asked me if I still wanted to go and I couldn't think of a better time to have a vacation. It was truly a blessing that we planned a trip for the 25th of July because Alaska is so beautiful and amazing. It is probably one of the prettiest places I have ever seen. It was so nice to be so close with Gods creations just after having to go through a devastating time. I was so humbled at the sight of the enormous mountains and aqua colored lakes and rivers. Not to mention all of the wildlife that was seen..... But that will have to wait for a different day. I need to get our pictures downloaded and then I will tell you about our trip.